If you appeal to your partner for an emotional connection and they respond intellectually to a problem, you will likely experience that as “no response.” This is one of the reasons that the research on social support uniformly states that people want “indirect” support, that is, emotional confirmation and caring from their partners, rather than advice.”
―excerpt from Dr Sue Johnson, Hold Me Tight: Your Guide to the Most Successful Approach to Building Loving Relationships
When you are feeling upset about an interaction between you and your partner and try to express your hurt, it’s painful when your partner launches into ways to fix this issue or worse, fix you! This is very common in relationships that have not learned the tools of reflective listening and being emotionally focussed in your conversations. Learning to work with your own emotions, make space for the other’s feelings, provide deep listening and reflecting before “fixing it” will go a Loooong way in your relationship.
Couples therapy is a safe environment to learn new communication skills and experience deep lasting change in the process.